I can feel you judging me through the phone.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
