I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Randomize
