there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
