I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
