i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
