His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
