is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Randomize
