genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
you told grandpa to call you daddy
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
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