Your favorite bartender is back from prision
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
