im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
