Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
