What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
