Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
