my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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