oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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