Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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