dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
