I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
