if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
