happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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