you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
