He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
