This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Randomize
