i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize