I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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