I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
