doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
