i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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