Yo dont text me then not text me
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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