Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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