Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
