I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
