I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
What drink are we having for lunch?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
