you guys were way drunker than both of me
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
