It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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