you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
