The best revenge is premature balding
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
