for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
