I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
