I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
