Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Randomize
