even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Randomize
