So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
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