I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
