Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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