and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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