I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize