You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
