Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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