final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
