A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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