I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
