Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
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The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
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He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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