You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
When did we convert life to cartoon?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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