Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
