forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
