Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
