Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
