WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
