i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
