What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
