Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
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