Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
