we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
There are leaves in my underwear?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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