I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Randomize
