yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
