It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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