Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Randomize
