Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
